Going Home
by Ultrawoman
Summary: The four humanoids aboard the JMC transport vehicle Starbug had no idea that the sudden appearance of a timehole would land them back on Earth in the year 2002, in the state of Kansas, in a little town called Smallville... Red Dwarf S6 Smallville S2
1. Chapter 1

A/N : Um, I don't know if anyone ever crossed these two shows before, and it may not be the best idea I ever had for a fanfiction, but if I entertain just one person, it'll be worth it... even if that one person is me! haha

Title : Going Home

Rating : PG-13

Summary : The four humanoids aboard the JMC transport vehicle Starbug had no idea that the sudden appearance of a timehole would land them back on Earth in the year 2002, in the state of Kansas, in a little town called Smallville... Crossover - Red Dwarf Series Six / Smallville Season 2

_Disclaimer : All recognisable characters from 'Red Dwarf' belong to the wondrous gestalt entity that is Grant Naylor. All recognisable characters from 'Smallville' belong to DC Comics and Miller Gough Ink._

Chapter 1

Somewhere out in deep space, three million years from planet Earth, a large red ship as big as a city floated aimlessly amongst the stars. Its original crew of 1169 had died long ago from a radiation blast and the small posse of creatures that had inhabited it since had managed to misplace their home ship.

Dave Lister, born in 2155 and the last human being alive, co-piloted the Starbug, a green insectoid transport vehicle, along with a creature known simply as Cat, because of his origins from that species. Behind them, seated at their consoles, were an android called Kryten and a hologram of Lister's dead bunkmate, Arnold Rimmer. This motley crew steered their ship through the stars in the vain hope of first finding the Red Dwarf, and maybe, someday, the planet Earth, in their correct century. In truth, their search was almost completely pointless, but something drove them on.

"Hey man, check the scanners, something doesn't smell right" the Cat called back to Kryten.

Clearly, having evolved from felines gave the Cat a heightened sense of smell, as well as heightened vanity. He adjusted his lapels and took another deep breath as the dutiful android checked the monitors.

"Nothing in range, sir" Kryten reported, though he was careful of his tone, after all accusing the Cat of a mis-smelling would only offend.

"But it's there, I know it is" the feline protested, as was expected.

"What's there, Cat?" Lister was curious, since he couldn't see anything of interest beyond the plexiglass in front of him.

"Oh, just ignore him, Lister" Rimmer sneered, "You know what he's like. He's probably making it up so that we'll pay attention to him"

"Hey, watch it, Goalpost Head" Cat shot his favourite insult at the hologram, flashing his feline fangs as he did so.

Rimmer, as always, was unimpressed.

"Come on, we all know how vain you are" the hologram sighed, not having time for all this pointless prattle, it grew very wearing over time.

"Well, thanks very much" the Cat grinned, apparently genuinely happy "I'm glad you noticed"

Rimmer shook his head and went back to his console, and Lister sighed in annoyance.

"Rimmer, just leave him alone, man, he's not hurting you" glancing behind at Kryten he added, "Krytie, check the scanners on mid-range"

"Yes, sir" the mechanoid said, immediately, "Oh, er, sir, I think perhaps that will be unnecessary" Kryten continued, pointing out through the plexiglass windscreen.

Three pairs of eyes followed the mechanoids gaze to see the huge orange swirl that had appeared in the black sky, as if from nowhere.

"What the smeg is that?" Lister said astonished by the size of the entity and how quickly it had appeared.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I do believe it is some sort of time hole" Kryten informed him as the four watched the swirl in the sky with increasing horror.

"A time hole?" Lister shook his head, "Oh no, not again. I remember the last one of those"

"The last one took us to Earth. What's wrong with that?" the hologram behind him asked.

"Backwards Earth, Rimmer, time was running backwards!" he was quickly told by the man in the pilot seat as he turned to look at him, counting points off on his fingers, "Eating was disgusting, a pint was not enjoyable, and I don't even wanna mention what happened when the Cat answered the call of nature in the bushes"

"Less said about that the better, bud" his feline friend agreed, before all attention was directed back to the windscreen by Kryten.

"Sirs, I don't believe we have time for a discussion" the mechanoid informed them, "The force of the time hole appears to be pulling us through. At present speed and course, I doubt we have more than two minutes before we are completely sucked in"

"Oh smeg, hit the reserve thrusters, man" Lister grabbed at the steering column in front of him and together he and the Cat tried to steer out of the pull of the time hole. Unfortunately, the force against them was too strong and the ship was quickly dragged into the centre.

* * *

"Come on, Clark, hurry up" Chloe called to her friend. 

He appeared seconds later in his vampire costume and his friends looked suitably impressed.

"You look great" Lana smiled her sickly sweet smile as Clark flipped his cloak and flashed his fake fangs at the group.

Lana herself was of course a fairy princess, just like the day of the meteor shower, which Chloe found quite disturbing. Why would anyone want to remind themselves of such a tragic day? Pete was dressed as a mummy, rolled up in bandages, while Chloe was a sight to be seen in a tight black cat suit, pointed ears, tail and whiskers. She had noticed she received most of the two males attention, despite the fact that Lana was present, and although she was flattered that was not why she'd done it. Chloe was finally over Clark, and both him and Pete were simply friends to her now, nothing more and nothing less.

The four young people climbed into their specially sent limousine, courtesy of Lex Luthor, and were on their way to the mansion for a Halloween party.

Clark peered out of the window thoughtfully as the three other people chatted about nonsense.

"You okay, man?" Pete checked when he realised how quiet his friend was being.

"Yeah, I was just thinking" Clark sighed, "I've got the weirdest feeling about tonight"

"Well, it is Halloween, Clark, and a full moon" Chloe pointed out, "You're meant to feel strange, especially in Smallville"

Clark smiled and tried to put his thoughts to one side, but it wasn't easy. Something was going to happen, he was sure of it - he just didn't know what it was.

* * *

"Hold on to your wage packets, guys! We're going down" Lister yelled, grabbing hold of the seat with both hands. 

Starbug hurtled through the time hole and then began a death dive towards the ground. A high pitched whistle rang out as their speed increased and gravity played its part, then suddenly it was all over.

A smash and a bang meant their journey had ended with a crash landing... again.

* * *

"What was that?" Clark said suddenly. 

"What was what?" Chloe looked at him oddly, "I didn't hear anything"

"Oh, I did" Pete said quickly, covering for his not-so-average farmboy friend.

Of course he hadn't heard a sound but figured Clark's enhanced hearing had picked up on something. Since the girls had no idea about his friends secret, he had got used to covering in situations such as this, by making Clark's often seemingly strange actions and behaviour seem a little more normal.

"Stop the car please" Clark called to the driver and was out of the limo door before the wheels had even stopped turning.

Pete went immediately after him and Chloe and Lana moved to follow.

"You girls stay in the car, we won't be long" Pete told them knowing that if anything really was wrong it would be easier for Clark to solve the problem with his powers and without either Lana or Chloe watching.

Lana agreed immediately, not really wanting to go out into a dark and potentially dangerous situation anyway, but Chloe looked set to argue about it.

"You'll stay with Lana, won't you, Chloe?" Pete insisted and the blonde gave in, knowing she didn't ought to leave her friend alone.

All kinds of weird and often bad things happened in Smallville, and Lana wasn't exactly adept at defending herself.

"Pete over here!" Clark called as his friend jogged up.

Both guys looked over at the next field, where smoke was rising from some green and indistinguishable shape.

"There must have been an accident" said Pete, but Clark didn't even hear him as he supersped through the space between themselves and the smoke.

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Activate cloak" Rimmer ordered, as the crew of the JMC Mining Corporation Transport Vehicle, Starbug, checked out the situation they now found themselves in, "Until we know exactly where we are, we don't necessarily want anyone seeing the ship" he reminded his trio of companions, as Lister checked himself for injuries, and the Cat checked his suit for creases.

"Yes, Mr Rimmer, sir" Kryten did as he was ordered, flipping the switch that made the whole ship appear invisible.

Despite their crash landing, the crew of the Starbug appeared unhurt and the ship was in full working order. These ship to surface transport vehicles were built to last and could sustain all manner of accidents without damage. It was, however, a miracle, that the crew had survived without so much as a graze.

"Well, let's get out there and see what we can find" Lister said, suddenly getting out of the pilot's seat and heading for the locker where the spacesuits were kept.

"Begging your pardon, sir," Kryten interrupted, "but, I don't believe you'll be needing those. Look out of the window" he said, pointing a robotic finger.

The crew all turned as one and gazed out of the plexiglass windscreen. It was fairly dark outside, but the ship was surrounded by fields and trees. They'd barely paid attention before, so used to the same old view beyond the ship - black with twinkly bits. This was different, this was...

"Is this what I think it is, Krytes?" Lister looked amazed at the prospect of it.

"What do you think it is, bud?" the Cat wanted to know, not recognising the great but grubby outdoors as anything but a place where he was going to ruin his shoes.

"It looks like... Earth?" Rimmer checked, as he realised what had got the space-bum grinning like an idiot, their home planet was surely the only thing that would have such an affect, unless they'd landed on curry world, of course.

"Indeed, sirs" Kryten nodded, as he checked the screen in front of him, "According to the navi-comp, this is indeed Earth, in the year 2002"

"This is gerbil face's home planet?" the Cat asked, making an unimpressed face at the thought of more people like Lister.

"It's really Earth?" the human gaped, even more stunned - he hadn't reckoned on seeing home again, and okay so this was a couple of hundred years out of range for where he belonged but it was probably the closest approximation of home he would ever find.

"Don't get too excited, Lister" Rimmer scolded, "Last time we landed on Earth time was running backwards" he reminded his bunk-mate, determined to be the pessimist, as always.

"Well, I s'pose the only way we're going to find out is to get out there" Lister grinned, "and have a goosey"

* * *

"Hey" Clark called to the figures of four men in the distance, not knowing they were just glad to have gotten down to ground level before they were spotted.

The questions that would no doubt have been asked if they'd been spotted walking down an invisible staircase from an invisible spacecraft would have been awkward to say the least.

"Oh God, now what?" Rimmer complained, with matching eye-roll, as he watched two strange looking creatures running toward them.

"Hey, cool it, Rimmer, man. It just looks like a couple of kids in costume" Lister assured him, as the two boys approached.

"Hey, we heard a crash. Are you guys okay?" Pete said, trying to get his breath back, after all, even at a fraction of his super-speed, Clark wasn't the easiest guy to keep up with.

"We're fine" Lister told them, taking in their costumes, he added, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, the Halloween party, at the Luthor Mansion" Clark pointed to a large grey building some way in the distance "Isn't that where you're going?" he asked suspiciously, after all they were hardly dressed normally, especially by Smallville standards.

"Man, if they are, we sure ain't gonna win the prize for best costumes" Pete grinned, causing Lister to glance at his crew mates.

"Er, yeah" he said slowly, "The Halloween party, that's where we're going" he grinned, grateful to this kid for making up the perfect excuse for him.

"Do you need a ride?" Clark offered always willing to help, "Cos it's still a couple of miles and it'll take you a while if you don't have transportation"

"Er, no, no, you're alright mate. We've got transport" Lister told a half-truth, truth was they did have a vehicle, just not one you could really show up to a party in!

"Well, okay, we'd better be going" Clark said slowly, still eyeing the Dwarf posse curiously, "It's was nice meeting you..."

"Lister, Dave Lister" the human held out his hand to shake.

"This is Pete and I'm Clark" the young Kent told them, waiting then for Lister to make further introductions but he didn't bother.

"Well, we'd better be off to the party. See you there" Lister grinned a fake grin before walking away quickly with the rest of the crew behind him.

As perfectly decent as those kids seemed, it was safer for all if they didn't get chatting. So far it was unclear as to exactly where they were and what they should do next.

"That was weird" Clark said as the four strangers disappeared into the distance.

"And this from the guy with a space ship, super speed, and x-ray vision" Pete joked, slapping his friend on the back.

Clark smiled uneasily and the pair headed back to the girls in the car, though the young Kent couldn't help but glance back over his shoulder at the odd visitors. Something made him a little suspicious about them and their story, but he really hoped there would be no trouble tonight. It'd been nice to be normal and get through one whole party without having to save the day.

* * *

"Hey, why'd you tell those dudes we were going to this Luthor guys party?" the Cat asked his human buddy, as the posse walked across the fields toward the distant mansion house.

"Why'd you think, Cat?" Lister replied, "We can hardly pass you, Kryten, and Rimmer off as ordinary human beings can we?"

"Let's face it, Lister, you have enough trouble passing yourself off as human!" said his hologrammatic crew mate, with a sneer.

"Oh smeg off, Rimmer, now is not the time!" Lister yelled, obviously annoyed.

Right now the last thing he needed was his old bunk-mate getting all sarcastic and snappy. First off, Lister would like to know exactly where and when he was. As much as this seemed to be home, he was unwilling to let himself believe it until they were really sure. Backwards Earth had been a huge disappointment.

"Sirs, if I might have your attention a moment" Kryten interrupted suddenly, seemingly having read the human's mind as he continued, "According to the psy-scan this is indeed Earth, a place called Smallville in the state of Kansas, in the United States of America, but there is something strange..." he trailed off as he continued to check the information on the small machine in his hands.

"What's up Krytes? Time seems to be the right way round, the natives seem friendly enough" Lister said, jokingly, "What's the prob?"

"The young man named Clark" the mechanoid explained "He's not human, sir"

"So, what is he? A hologram, like Goalpost Head?" Cat asked, jabbing a finger towards Rimmer, who just ignored his insult.

"Begging your pardon, sirs, I do so dislike using the term but... he appears to be an alien" Kryten explained.

"An alien?!" Rimmer shouted excitedly.

He'd always wanted to meet an alien, any sort would do just so long as he could meet one. There was no telling what power, what intelligence such a creature might have, what it might be able to do for him and his career that had taken quite a knock when he'd suddenly died.

"Yes, indeed, Mr Rimmer" the mechanic assured him, "He truly does appear to be an alien"

"But he looked like a human" Lister said, thoughtfully, always having imagined that if aliens did exist they'd be as they were in the movies, green or white, much shorter than man, with big black eyes and antennae or something.

"He is human_oid_, sir" Kryten continued "but Earth is not his birth planet. His internal organs work almost the same way as a humans do but they are much stronger and faster, particularly his muscles and his brain"

"So he's like a super-man?" Lister surmised, with a confused expression - not unlike the one he always wore.

"Exactly, sir" came the mechanoids answer, as the four continued walking.

"But how is that possible?" Rimmer wanted to know, "There weren't aliens on Earth in the twenty first century?" he said, almost certain it was true.

"Well, sir" Kryten answered, showing his fellow crew member the psy-scan screen, "It appears there was, at least one"

* * *

"So it was four guys in a field going to Lex's party?" Chloe asked with a suspicious look on her face, as she and her friends rode in the limo on their way to the Luthor Mansion.

"Yeah" Clark confirmed, "I think they were British, or at least one of them was. I'd definitely never seen them before" he shook his head.

"He had a really weird accent, man" Pete laughed, always having imagined that British people all spoke overly correctly about 'bangers and mash' or yelling 'tally-ho'.

"Do we know their names?" Chloe asked next, always in reporter mode, forever seeking out possible Wall of Weird material.

"Dave Lister, that was the guy who did all the talking" Clark told her.

"Why all the questions, Chloe?" Lana wanted to know, having been quiet up to now.

"Well, Clark said he thought something weird was going to happen tonight" the blonde shrugged, "Maybe it's already started"

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N : If anyone is reading this - and I know some people have at least looked at it because of the hit count - I'd love for you to leave just a short review, telling me if you like it or now, and why. Thanx :-)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 3

"And what exactly are we going to do at a kids' fancy-smegging-dress party?" Rimmer wanted to know as the Boys from the Dwarf made their way through fields and past trees toward the Luthor Mansion.

"I dunno, Rimmer, but there's nothing much else we can do if the timehole's closed" Lister explained, repeating the information the crew had discovered.

"We're really going to a party?" Cat gasped, looking down at his attire, "Man, I should have bought another outfit" he declared, in spite of the fact he was fairly well dressed for the occasion in an all-black number with silver trim and sparkling bling in every available spot.

Lister sighed loudly and with annoyance at his vain friend.

"Cat, man, we're just gonna have a beer and kick back for a while til the timehole re-opens" he reminded him, "We're not out to impress, and we are not on the pull, right?"

"Maybe you're not, bud" Cat replied, pushing his way through some troublesome tree branches, "but I am always out to impress!" he declared, sending a branch flying backwards into the newly hardlight Rimmer's face.

"What about the alien?" he wanted to know, as he glared at the back of the stupid animal's head, "He could very well be dangerous, and this could be some sort of trap!"

"Rimmer, he's just a kid" Lister shook his head "Besides, he didn't invite us to this party, we invited ourselves" he reminded his crew-mate, "And he offered us a lift in his car. He doesn't seem very dangerous to me"

"But he's an alien, Lister!" Rimmer waved his hands in the air for emphasis, "That's probably what he wants you to think, whilst he's secretly planning the best way to relieve you of your breathing privileges"

"Oh smeg off, Rimmer" his human counterpart complained, "I really don't wanna hear this crap right now"

"And how are we supposed to get into this party?" the hologram continued always the pessimist, "As you just pointed out, we're not invited"

"You just leave that to me..." Lister told him, striding out in front of his friends with a grin on his face, as Rimmer shared a look with Kryten, then shook his head.

How did he end up with these God forsaken idiots as a crew? Where had it all gone so wrong?

* * *

"Hey, right on time" Lex greeted his four friends as they arrived at the front door of the mansion.

"We were almost late" Lana admitted, as they entered and two of Lex's butlers took their coats.

"Don't tell me that the limo I sent broke down" the billionaire asked with a puzzled frown, "I only had it serviced just last week"

"No, the limo was great" Chloe assured him, with him a smile, "It's just these two idiots found four weirdos in a field, and then…" she trailed off when she realised Lex's attention was not on her face or her words but on the rest of her "Hey, Earth to Lex!" her smile turning to a smirk.

She was not entirely offended by his behaviour, in fact she was a little flattered really, though her slight feminist tendencies would not allow her to actually say so.

"Sorry, it's just I..." he started before noticing the stern looks on both Clark and Pete's faces "Never mind, it doesn't matter" he said hurriedly "You all look great" he said with a smile, now wishing he'd never glanced in the direction of the little blonde reporter at all.

* * *

"Hasn't been a house built that can keep Dave Lister out of a party!" he said, triumphantly pushing open a ground floor window at the back of the mansion.

For a house so big and grand they seemed to be lacking in security as no alarm sounded and no burly guards appeared to keep them out.

"We're in?" Cat asked, smiling widely and making his fangs show.

"Yes, siree" the human told him, pulling himself through the open window with ease.

Cat followed, slinking like the feline he was, and Rimmer climbed through next, taking a good look around both outside and in, before making his move.

Kryten, being even more worried about getting caught than even the cowardly Second Technician that was Arnold Rimmer, stayed outside for a moment longer, simply peering in with an uneasy expression.

"Oh, Mr Lister, sir, I do so hate this breaking and entering kind of thing" he complained.

"Kryten" Lister sighed, "Can you stop being such a wet ponce for like five seconds and get in here?" he ordered, "It's not like we're gonna nick anything, we just wanna join the party"

"What if we run into that Clark dude again?" the Cat asked, as the mechanoid finally entered the room.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this bloke?" Lister shook his head, "It's probably just a neighbourly town or something. He thought we were havin' some sort of trouble, he brought his mate to check we were okay" he shrugged, as they moved through the house, "So no problems, right, Cat?"

"I guess not" the feline sniffed "but Clark's a stupid name if you ask me"

"Nobody did" Rimmer pointed out, "Goit"

"He's right, y'know, it is an odd name" Lister agreed as the four passed through another room, a library it seemed, and across to the next door, "I remember there was this guy called Clark, back in the twenty first century" he continued "Clark Kent, I think it was. He was like a superhero, in fact, they called him Superman. He flew around in these tights and a cape and everything..."

"Er, Lister..." a nasally voice interrupted him, and he turned to glance back at his crew-mate.

"What is it now, Rimmer?" he wanted to know, or rather he didn't but felt he ought to ask anyway just in case.

"The Clark we met is an alien" he said slowly "and an alien called Clark was Superman" he recapped, "Making any sense yet?" he asked, waiting for Lister to catch on to what he was saying.

"No, you don't think...?" the human thought aloud, finding this a little hard to believe.

"Yes, sir, I do believe he's right" Kryten suddenly exclaimed, as everything dropped into place in his head, "If my histo-chip serves me correctly, Superman was indeed the Smallville resident Clark Kent, originally called Kal-El, the Last Son of Krypton"

"Smeggin' hell, guys, we've met Superman" Lister gasped, stopping dead in his tracks, and causing his three companions to ram into each other since they were not expecting the sudden halt.

"No, sir, not quite" his mechanoid friend pointed out the flaw in what he'd said, "Superman was Clark Kent's creation, the identity that he used for fighting crime and saving lives, but he did not have this identity until he moved to Metropolis and became a reporter at the Daily Planet newspaper"

"So now, this boy doesn't know anything about Superman?" Rimmer clarified.

"Indeed, sir" Kryten nodded, "It is likely he knows nothing of his origins at this time, except the fact that he is not Earth born"

"Shouldn't we tell the dude who he is?" the Cat thought aloud as the gang followed the sounds of music and laughter toward the room where the party was being held, "If I was gonna be a superhero one day I'd want to be warned way in advance to give me the maximum time to come up with some really great costumes ideas"

"No, sir, absolutely not" Kryten answered immediately "He is not yet destined to know of his Kryptonian background, telling him this information early could be disastrous. Remember; causality"

"He's right, man" Lister nodded, "but at least we know he's not dangerous"

"Yes, Superman was a hero" Rimmer remembered "His secret identity was only revealed after his death"

There was no time for further questions or talk about the boy that would one day save the world, as Lister pushed on another door and revealed what they had been looking for.

"Hey, looks like we found the party!" he grinned, as they made their entrance.

"Lister what if we get caught? What if people start asking awkward questions?" Rimmer asked nervously as the posse entered the hall, the door they'd passed through slamming very definitely shut behind them, as if to say there really was no going back now.

"Rimmer, it's a fancy dress party" Lister groaned tiredly, "Anybody could be, well, anybody" he laughed, "No-one's even gonna notice us..." he said, though it seemed someone was determined to prove him wrong.

"Dave!" a voice called from across the room, and they all turned to see the alien boy they had previously been discussing.

"Guess again, oh great master of simple-minded-ness" Rimmer said sarcastically.

Lister shot him a look before greeting Clark and Pete, and taking in the sight of the two beautiful girls they had with them. Stuck in a steel tube with only each other for company, it was a rare treat for the Red Dwarf posse to be amongst so many people, especially when some of those people were pretty young females.

"Hey, this is Lana and Chloe" Pete made introductions and Lister smiled widely as he offered a hand to one girl then the other.

"Nice to meet you" he told them with a wink that caused Lana to blush in that little shy princess way she had.

Chloe, at this point, would usually have been annoyed but she was somewhat distracted by another of the strangers.

"Wow" exclaimed the Cat, walking a circle around her, taking in the form of the woman's figure in her tight-fitting cat costume.

"Who's this guy?" she wondered aloud, grinning slightly.

"This is Cat" Lister explained, embarrassed to be seen with him right now.

Anyone would think he'd never seen a woman before... but then to be fair he really hadn't encountered many, and none so pretty as this.

"I can see that" Chloe laughed, turning to face the creature "but what's your name?"

"Anything you want it to be, baby" he told her, moving up close.

"Okay..." she said, slowly stepping over to the other side of Pete and away from this strange man before more than just his eyes decided to wander over her body.

"This is Kryten" Lister introduced him, and he got a strange look from all four of their new acquaintances "Oh, it's a Welsh name" he covered as best he could for the mechanoid, "and this is..." he began, only to be interrupted by his hologrammatic crew-mate.

"Arnold Rimmer, ma'am, pleased to make your acquaintance" he said, grinning widely at both girls as he stepped in front of Lister and introduced himself, kissing the hands of both young ladies.

"I think I need a drink" Lister sighed, the truest thing he'd said all night.

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : Yay! Somebody reviewed:-) If anyone else finds this story even the least bit amusing or interesting, I would love to hear your opinions too!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 4

"Y'know you're a really great dancer" Chloe smiled, as the Cat spun her around the floor, "Do you take lessons?" she was curious to know, reporters instincts always there, bubbling beneath the surface, just waiting for a story in any and all situations.

Unfortunately, before Cat had a chance to answer, Lex was there tapping him on the shoulder and taking his attention away from his beautiful blonde partner.

"Mind if I cut in?" the billionaire asked not waiting for an answer as he slid between the pair and swept Chloe away much to her confusion but also amusement.

"Why, Mr Luthor" she feigned being overcome, "I never had you down for the sweeping kind" she joked.

"I think you'll find, Miss Sullivan" he said, using the formal tone which she had initiated, "There are a lot of things about me that might surprise you"

Chloe laughed lightly at that as they continued to dance around the hall, amongst so many other couples, including Clark and Lana, and Pete with a new friend he was apparently making.

Across the room, the misfits that were the Red Dwarf posse seemed to have taken up residence by the buffet table. Lister was swilling beer like it was going out of style, and forcing down hor's devres a handful at a time, much to Rimmer's distaste, as Kryten stood nearby, swaying slightly to the infectious rhythm of the music.

"Lister, could you at least try to eat like a human being?" his superior admonished him, flaring his nostrils in the way only he could, "You're making a complete show of yourself" he said, as he smiled as amiably as he could manage at a couple of nice looking young ladies that passed by them.

"Just cos you don't have to smeggin' eat, Rimmer" Lister snapped at him, around a mouthful of pigs in blankets, crumbs flying everywhere as he did so, "Leave me alone, alright?"

"Hey, that moon-headed dude stole my woman!" Cat protested as he returned to his crew-mates.

"Mr Cat, if I may suggest, sir" Kryten whispered to him, "Perhaps it might not be advisable to anger that gentleman, after all, he is Lex Luthor, not only our host at this gathering, but also the most powerful man in Smallville and the surrounding area"

"Yeah, right" Cat scoffed, "I could take him"

"Shut up, you stupid goit!" Rimmer snapped at the feline, "We don't want any trouble, just leave it"

"For once he's right, man" Lister agreed, finally stopping stuffing his face for all of two seconds, "It's not worth the barney"

"Hey, you're not the one who lost your first lady cat to a..." Cat was forced to stop talking as Lister put his hand over his friends mouth, demanding quiet from him and everyone.

The whole room turned their attention to the fact the music had stopped and the lights were dimming down to almost nothing, in spite of the fact nobody was near the stereo system or the light controls.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a figure appeared in the centre of the room, the dancing couples all around backing off at the sight of a young man that glowed with a sickly green hue. Lister and the crew only had a back view, as the figure shot nasty looks all around, girls screaming and all the kids cowering away, all but a few who were sure this was somekind of a Halloween trick, at least until they looked in Lex's direction and realised he looked just as worried as everybody else.

"You!" the figure shouted, pointing a finger at the billionaire, "You let them laugh and dance, today of all days"

Suddenly a bolt like lightning shot from the hand that was held out in Lex's direction and the bald man crumpled to the floor like he'd been physically attacked. Chloe, whom he had been holding behind him, dropped to her knees at his side, whilst Clark seemed to stay as far back as possible, looking like he was about to toss his cookies quite spectacularly.

It was that, more than the creature that was attacking, that perhaps puzzled Lister the most. In spite of his confusion, Dave was not about to stand by whilst this guy took out half the crowd. Rushing forward with a battle cry, he spun the figure around by the shoulder and delivered a sharp blow to his face with a fist. The young man seemed unphased, but Lister was not as he looked into a pale and gaunt face that was much less green now he was so close.

"Big mistake" he said, with an evil smirk, before pushing the seemingly older man away, the seemingly light shove actually sending Lister tripping backwards onto his butt, several feet away

As the posse and all the surrounding party guests looked on, the glowing man disappeared as if he'd never been there at all. The lights began to rise again, along with the volume of music that was soon up from silence to a pulsing rhythm.

"What the smeg was that?!" Lister exclaimed, as Kryten shook his head, waving the small machine in his hands around, hoping to find something.

"Somebody call an ambulance!" Chloe urged the crowd of people around her as she cradled an unconscious Lex Luthor's head in her lap.

"Clark, are you okay?" Lana asked, as he gasped and struggled at her side.

"I... I'll be fine" he assured her, as Pete glanced his way with a knowing look.

The thing that had attacked, whatever else it was, it wasn't slime green or bogey man green, it was meteor rock green.

As the situation turned from party to panic, Lister called urgently to his mechanoid companion.

"Kryten, can we get a trace on this thing using the psy-scan?" he asked him, as the android duly waved the machine in his hands in the general direction of where the apparent green ghost-man had come from and disappeared too.

"I was trying, sir" he admitted, "but, it's very strange..."

"You mean there's something here that isn't?" Rimmer checked, as his head peaked out from under the edge of the table-cloth - at the first sign of trouble he had of course taken his usual form of action and hidden under the nearest piece of furniture, in this case the buffet table, with something sturdy on his head, which explained why he was currently sporting a wooden bowl that once contained potato chips!

"Well, it doesn't appear to be emitting any life signs" Kryten explained about the creature they'd all just witnessed, jabbing at the psy-scan and checking the readings once again.

"What are you saying to me, Krytes?" Lister asked, looking over the mechanoids shoulder as the Cat did the same thing from the other side, "That this thing was really like a ghost or something?"

"I cannot see an alternative answer, sir" Kryten nodded, although he felt quite foolish agreeing with such an idea.

He had always presumed ghosts and ghouls and all the related beings to be old myths and stories, with no truth in them at all. His eyes, and the psy-scan, now seemed to suggest otherwise.

"But it touched me, you saw it!" Lister protested.

"What about a hologram like Goalpost head?" the Cat interjected, "Hardlight?" he suggested, a bright idea for someone who usually suffered with a distinct lack of brain power.

"Even holograms have an electrical pulse, a sign of existence" Kryten told him, in hushed tones so as not to draw attention, "This man or creature, whatever it was, either has no sign of physical existence what-so-ever or one so small that it's not even registering"

Just as Lister opened his mouth to say something else, the ambulance crew arrived, obviously not having been far away when the call was made. It seemed Lex Luthor was in a bad way. The little blonde in the cat costume looked petrified he was going to die on her, and Clark looked like he felt decidely sick. Of course, not all of the young aliens greeness was down to the attack on his friend alone, though none of the 'Dwarf posse realised it yet.

"Dave!" the farmboy called, as he dodged across the rapidly clearing dancefloor to his new friends, "Are you okay?

"Yeah, no real harm done" Lister assured the boy, "Looks like your mate the billionaire's not too good though" he commented, as Lex was carefully put onto a stretcher by two of the ambulance crew.

"Hey, how come you didn't jump in and save the day with your superpowers?" Cat asked, though thankfully nobody noticed, and Lister quickly clamped his hand over his crew-mates mouth.

"Why can't you just keep your gob shut?!" he complained, as the Cat used his fangs to nip Dave's fingers and make him let go, "Ow, smeg off, man. No need for that" he complained, waving his sore hand.

"You wouldn't be sayin' that if you had some ugly grease monkeys hand up your face!" the feline shot at him as he ran his hand over his perfectly preened hair.

"How does he... How do you guys know about me?!" Clark demanded to know, "Who are you?!" he yelled, almost a little too loudly, grabbing Lister by the front of the shirt, and sending Rimmer cowering beneath the tablecloth once again.

"Mr Kent, sir" Kryten intervened carefully, "If I may interject, perhaps we might go somewhere a little less public to discuss what it is we know and who exactly we are"

Clark eyed the three warily, before glancing beneath the table at Rimmer.

"Okay" he said slowly, agreeing to their plan. He didn't really feel he should argue given that they seemed to know his secret. Besides, they seemed more scared than scary right now.

"Let's go" Lister nodded, as the group checked no-one was watching them.

"Suggest we leave the way we came in, sirs" Kryten told them, "We are likely to attract less attention through the, er, back door, as it were"

"Excellent suggestion, Kryten" Rimmer nodded as he poked his head out from under the table, checked no-one was looking then bolted for the door, as the other three members of the posse, plus Clark followed behind.

Pete, who had been keeping an eye on his friend, caught up with them easily, and put a hand on Clark's shoulder just as they reached the window through which they would leave the mansion.

"What's goin' on, man?" he checked with his friend, who glanced at the posse who had already passed through the window, then back at the best friend who kept his secret.

"I don't know, Pete" he admitted, "That's what I'm hoping to find out"

The other boy nodded, and without a word agreed to go with his best friend. He wanted to know what was going on, and given that he knew Clark's secret, he might be more helpful than someone else, such as Chloe. She was distracted by Lex Luthor right now, a man Pete cared nothing for. He was concerned for Clark alone, and wanted to know anything their strange new acquaintances could tell them. He had a feeling things were going to get weird, again.

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So happy that people are reading this, and some are even reviewing - thanx :-)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 5

"Okay" Clark said, taking a shaky breath in, "So you're trying to tell me that you're from the future, you live in a spaceship, and you're here to, what, help me deal with whatever weird thing just attacked Lex in there?" he said with a confused look as he gestured back the way they'd come to the Luthor Mansion.

Standing here now, hidden from anybody elses view by a group of trees on the edge of the Luthor estate, Clark couldn't've been more confused, unless perhaps he was Pete. There was just a little too much to take in. A robot, a semi-visible guy with an H on his head, and two strange men stood before him, telling him they were from outer-space. Okay, so Clark was from somewhere out there too, from another planet far, far away, but this was even weirder than then Kent boys odd heritage.

"I know it's soundin' like a bad episode of Doctor Who right now, Clark" Lister told him, "but what I'm tellin' you is the truth" he assured him with a sincere expression, "Look, we don't know exactly how or why we landed here on Earth with you guys, but that thing that attacked your mates at the party, that might just be somethin' we can deal with"

Clark looked at Pete who shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey, any help has gotta be a good thing, man" he suggested, "Especially since that guy... well, he was meteor type green, right?" he said cryptically, pretty sure he was right.

Clark nodded his head, before looking back at the Dwarf posse. They were a strange looking bunch; the one they called Cat checking himself in a pocket mirror like a girl might have, Rimmer jumping and shaking like a leaf everytime an owl so much as hooted, whilst Kryten who it seemed was not dressed as a robot but really was in fact mechanical waved a machine around that bleeped and buzzed once in a while. Lister continued to watch Clark, his looks sincere and genuine as far as the farmboy could tell. He wasn't so bad at reading people, and right now he had little choice but to trust them. Pete was right, whoever or whatever Lex's attacker was, it was either made of or carrying the meteor rocks that made him sick. He would need help, from people stronger and better equipped than those around him.

"I guess I shouldn't be so freaked out by what you're telling me" he sighed eventually, "This is Smallville - land of the weird and home of the strange, as Chloe likes to say"

"Is she your woman?" the Cat suddenly snapped at the sound of the blonde's name.

"Er, no, we're just..." Clark began only to be interrupted, as the guy in the sharp suit got all up in his face.

"Good" he said with a firm nod, "Cos I don't wanna have a fight about it, bud, but that kitty is mine"

"Cat, calm down" Lister ordered, pulling him back, "Y'know she's just wearing a costume, the bird is not really a Cat!" he told his crew-mate who knocked the human's hand away and straightened his jacket.

"You think that matters to me, grease stain?" he shouted, "After being locked up in a steel tube with you guys all this time" he gestured wildly between them, "A fake lady cat is better than no lady cat!" he announced, before going back to preening himself in the mirror from his pocket.

"I think you might want to warn your friend Chloe" Rimmer told Clark with a distasteful look as what he knew the Cat was thinking.

"Don't worry about her, man" Pete smiled, "She can handle herself"

"And we do have more important things to worry about, sir" Kryten said urgently, "It appears our friend the non-entity is back!"

* * *

Chloe checked the clock on the wall, as she stifled a yawn with her hand. At first she'd been far too freaked out to realise the time or the fact she was getting tired, now she was calmer knowing Lex was going to be okay, and the night was catching up on her. It was way past midnight, and instead of thinking about letting the party die and going home to sleep, she was sitting here by a hospital bed, praying that the host of the party didn't die himself. It was unlikely now of course, he was in a stable condition, the doctors had said that he would likely come around soon, and if all the checks they wanted to run came back positive, he'd be fine.

Still, Chloe couldn't help but be worried. The thing that had attacked at the party, she didn't know what it was, but it wasn't good. Apart from Lex, she'd probably got the best look at it of anybody, at least until the billionaire had blocked her view. She'd been pissed then, for a few moments, before she realised he was just trying to protect her; not Lana, like Clark would've done, or any of the other girls, he'd tried to protect her, and for the life of her, Chloe didn't know why, she just knew she was grateful for it.

The sound of a small sigh came between the beeps of the machinery around her, and since Chloe knew it wasn't she herself that had done it, it had to be...

"Lex?" she checked, leaning over him a little, "Lex, can you hear me?"

"What?" he said absently, as he came to, wondering where the hell he was, why his body ached and felt heavy as lead, and who the angel was that was leaning over him as his eyes slowly opened to a blurry, blonde vision.

"Lex, it's Chloe" she told him, "You... there was an attacker at the party"

"Chloe" he echoed, swallowing hard as the world started to come into focus around him, "The party... I was attacked?" he checked, not really understanding any of this yet.

"Yes, but it's okay" the girl beside his bed assured him, her hand going automatically over his in what she hoped was a comforting way, "You're okay now. We're at the Smallville Medical Centre"

"How long have I been here?" Lex asked, as he became more coherent and aware of his surroundings.

"A few hours" Chloe told him, with a friendly smile, "You had us worried for a while but the doctors said if you woke up soon like they expected you to, you'd be fine"

"You were worried, Miss Sullivan?" he checked with the trade-mark Luthor smirk - clearly he was feeling better, "I'm sure you were the only one"

"That's not true, Lex" Chloe assured him, "Although, I was the only one awake enough to stay with you all this time. Must be the coffee I practically mainline" she joked, not really sure what else to say,

It was all very well to be sitting here worrying about someone and watching over them whilst they were sleeping or unconscious. It was a whole different ball game when they awoke and looked right at you, being equal parts grateful and quizzical that you're there.

"I appreciate that you're here, Chloe" Lex told her, his hand suddenly tightening around her own, "Not many would want to wait by my bedside"

"It's fine, Lex, really" she said, laughing a little nervously, "We're friends, at least through Clark, and somebody had to be here when that idiot disappeared" she rolled her eyes at he thought of how the farmboy and Pete had seemed to just evaporate after the attack at the Luthor Mansion.

A nurse suddenly appeared at the door, and all conversations had to end there. Chloe excused herself to go to the bathroom, whilst checks were run on Lex. The blonde also decided to slip outside and call Clark on her cell, see if she could find out what the hell was going on with him, and also let him know Lex was okay, since he was supposed to care.

She was a little surprised to find a message waiting for her when she switched the phone on, and even more stunned to hear Clark's voice as he told her she was needed. The creature from the party had attacked again it seemed, and her help was required if they were going to deal with it.

* * *

Explaining everything to Chloe without spilling all the details wasn't easy for Clark, despite the fact he ought to be a well practised liar, after all, he'd been doing it all his life where his abilities were concerned. Now he had to keep secrets for his four new friends too, who had been there to help when the attack came in the woods by the Luthor Mansion.

The machine that Kryten called the psy-scan was apparently supposed to provide information and had indeed let them know that the man/creature that had attacked before was coming back for Round Two. The tiniest reading had registered on the device that ought to have given much more detail, so Rimmer had said when the fight was over.

Perhaps fight was the wrong word, since no damage had been done or wounds inflicted. Clark had suffered the effects of getting too close to someone or something that seemed to be infected by meteor rocks, but when the odd green thing, for want of a better word, noticed those he would attack were strangers, he seemed to back off, almost as if he knew.

It was the way he'd come out of nowhere, and disappeared the same way again, that bothered Clark most. He was solid enough to be real, to be flesh, and yet in the blink of an eye, he was there, and then he was gone. Having given Chloe all the information he could without letting any secrets slip, Clark and the Red Dwarf crew waited whilst the little blonde reporter, still in her black lycra outfit, minus the ears and some of the face paint by now, tapped away on her computer, looking for anything that might tell them what or who this thing was that had now attacked, or at least attempted to, twice.

Speaking in hushed voices, the Dwarf posse, their new alien friend, and his human best friend discussed theories on what they might be dealing with, based on the knowledge they each had but were unable or unwilling to share with the Reporter.

"We're running out of options as to what this thing could be" Clark sighed, once they had eliminated most ideas as implausible.

"Unless it's more than one thing" Lister offered up his suggestion, from his place propped on the table, one leg over the back of a chair.

"Like a cyborg or somethin'?" Pete asked, a little weirded out by the suggestion, an odd thing since his best friend was an alien.

"We met this creature once, it was called the Polymorph" Lister explained, "It could change its appearance and become anything it wanted to be so it could blend in, and so it could bring your negative emotions to the surface"

"Why did it want to do that?" Clark made a face to show his complete confusion.

"It lives on them" Rimmer told him "Sucks the fear, vanity, guilt, any negative feeling right out of your body"

"You think this guy is some kind of polymorph?" the alien farmboy checked he understood, over-pronouncing this strange new word.

"It is unlikely, sirs" Kryten pointed out "They were not manufactured until the twenty third century, but it could indeed work on the same principal"

"It has to be meteor related" Pete decided "All these weird stuff happen in Smallville, and its almost always related to the meteor rocks"

A look of guilt passed over Clark's face then, as it always did when the meteor shower of thirteen years ago was mentioned. That very disaster had brought his spaceship down to Earth, depositing baby Clark in a field where Martha and Jonathan would find him.

"Okay" Lister started, "So somehow this guy has got infected by these meteorites and has become like a polymorph type thing..." he said, slowly "Well, we've dealt with weirder things..." he shrugged as he looked around the group of misfits.

They nodded that it was true.

"Well whatever you guys have worked out" Chloe said, as she came over to join them suddenly, "I think its about to get weirder..."

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

****

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 6

"What'd you find, Chlo?" Pete asked, craning over Clark's shoulder, as the farmboy took the piece of paper from his friend's hand and studied it.

"Since the guy was glowing like a meteor rock, I went back through all my computer files on people affected by them" the young reporter explained, "Cross-referencing for Smallville High alumni, since he seemed pretty anti-us as a whole"

"And?" Lister prompted her for more, unable to see the paper his new friend held, yet eager to have all the information here.

"And our guy has a name to go with his face" Chloe said, as Clark passed over the printout that bore the young man's photograph, and some stats, "This is Steven Stewart" Chloe explained, with an arm gesture and odd look on her face as she explained, "Born 1972... Died 1989"

She took in the shocked looks on the group's faces before going back to her computer, as the printer churned out yet more paper.

"This dude is dead?" Cat's expression was both confused and disgusted at that, "But we saw him"

"Well, it's not complicated" said Lister, lowering his voice again, the posse huddling round the table so as not to be overheard, "Rimmer's dead and we can still see him"

"Unfortunately" the Cat sneered, earning him a glare from the man with the H on his forehead.

"But he wasn't like a hologram" Pete pointed out, "The guy knocked you on your ass, Lister"

"He could be a hardlight hologram" Rimmer offered, "A hologram in hardlight, like me, can touch and feel just like a human being, but that doesn't explain how he appears out of the middle of smegging nowhere"

"Or why he would be as green as Mr Lister when he's forced to eat fruit" Kryten added, as the man he spoke of rolled his eyes.

"Hey" Lister snapped his fingers as he had a sudden thought, "What if it's not just a polymorph we're dealing with..." he suggested, though the bemused looks on the faces of his friends, old and new, told him no one else had caught onto his thread yet, "Don't you get it?" he exclaimed, wanting to yell at them but knowing they couldn't let Chloe hear "It's Halloween, a full moon... what if he's a zombie?!"

"Oh, listen to yourself Lister" Rimmer shook his head, "One too many of your stupid horror movies is your problem"

"I'm serious guys" the human insisted, "What if these meteor things brought him back from the dead and gave him the power to morph"

"That is the biggest load of smeg I've ever heard" the hologram persisted, but Clark remembered something that could prove Lister's point.

"No, Dave could be right" he explained "There was this guy called Tyler, he fell out of a window and died but he was wearing a piece of meteorite. It got into his body and brought him back to life" he explained.

"And what about that freaky girl, Tina Greer?" Pete threw in his own thoughts, "She got infected by meteors too and they gave her the power to mess with the way she looked. The girl could make herself look like anybody, even Clark!"

"So we're dealing with the undead?" Rimmer grimaced "Or the recently revived at least?"

"Looks that way" Clark nodded "and it must be the meteor rocks that did it, it's the only explanation for why I can't get near him"

"Ah, yes" Kryten began "People like Mr Kent possess an allergy to the green fragments of the meteorites, is that not so, sir?"

"Yeah" Clark nodded, and tried not to laugh at Kryten's way of phrasing things, "I get sick and lose my abilities until I move away from the stuff, then I get back to normal pretty fast"

"So, as long as you stay away from this thing you'll be fine?" Rimmer asked, and the farmboy nodded his agreement.

"Well, if you can't get near it" Lister said, keeping his voice low, and checking the little blonde across the room was suitably busy and not listening in, "I s'pose it's up to us to throw out the garbage"

The conversation was interrupted when Chloe called for her friends to come look at the computer, and Clark and Pete dutifully went over, throwing apologetic looks to their new friends.

"What are you thinking now Lister?" Rimmer asked, noticing the thoughtful expression of his crew-mates face, which was always a worrying thing.

"This guy could be dangerous to a lot of people, and if Clark can't beat him no-one can" the Liverpudlian mused.

"You're not seriously saying we should do something?" the Cat sounded disgusted by the idea, "I don't want no undead guy smell getting on my clothes!" he protested, folding his arms across his chest.

"We've got proper weapons, man, and we can shoot to kill" he pointed out to the feline "Clark can't"

"Why not, he's tough enough?" he returned.

"Yes, Cat, but he was born and brought up different" he tried to explain, leaning across the table to his friend and gesturing with an arm, "He's got morals and stuff"

"Which is more than we can say for Lister" Rimmer snorted, as his crewmate flipped him the bird and continued speaking to Cat.

"Clark's not able to kill" he said firmly, "Sort of like Kryten's programmed not to harm humans, Clark's 'programmed' not to kill anyone or anything if he can help it" he air-quoted.

"What about causality?" Rimmer piped up, stopping pacing a while and leaning over into the conversation, "If we step in and kill this thing, we change time"

"Maybe we were sent here _to_ kill this thing" his human counterpart countered, "It would make sense. There must be a reason for us coming here"

"I still don't like fightin' with the undead" Cat grumbled, "You know how hard it is to get zombie out of dry-clean only fabrics?"

"Indeed, sir" Kryten nodded, "I fear it would be most difficult, but surely if it is for the greater good...?"

"Yeah" Lister snapped his fingers, like he'd had a great idea, "and think how popular you'd be with the locals, Cat, if you brought down the bad guy" he nudged him, gesturing towards Chloe who spared them a smile when she realised they were looking her way.

Cat was soon smiling too, at the prospect of her thinking he was some kind of hero and being grateful for his fighting off this creature.

"Hey, guys" Clark called, cathcing the posse's attention as he and Chloe approached again, "Chloe just found some more background info on this guy"

"Seems he was less than popular in High School" the reporter sighed, shaking her head, "The biggest loser at Smallville High, after Jeremy Creek"

"Who the smeggin' hell is Jeremy Creek?" Rimmer wanted to know.

"There's a tradition that the geekiest freshman is hung up like a scarecrow in a cornfield in just his underwear on the night of the Homecoming Dance" Pete explained as he returned to the table and sat down backwards on a chair, leaning his arms on the back, "Jeremy was chosen in '89 and was hit by meteors"

"Yeah, he ended up in a coma, and was revived twelve years later by electricity" Chloe recalled, hurrying to fetch a newspaper clipping from her Wall of Weird and handing it to the crew, "He came back and tried to kill the football players that put him in the field that day" she said, as the Dwarf posse all leaned in to look at the paper Lister now held.

"This place is weird with a capital we" the Cat declared.

His expression showed how grossed out he was right now; an odd thing really, for someone who had dealt with Psirens and a Curry Monster in his lifetime, both far nastier in looks than some green ghost man like this one.

"Perhaps there were two 'scarecrows' in 1989?" Kryten suggested.

"It's Smallville" Chloe shrugged, "I guess anything's possible..."

"But Lex Luthor isn't a football player, or in school with you" Rimmer shook his head, "and he can't be old enough to have been at school with this man" he said, gesturing at the paper in Lister's hand.

"No, but Lex donates a lot of money to the school" Chloe pointed out, "and he makes stuff happen for us, parties and events"

"So maybe this guy is against Luthor because he hates everyone from High School?" Pete suggested, "He thinks getting at Lex will get at us"

"I guess it's possible that Steven was such a geek, he just wasn't at the dance because nobody liked him" the blonde girl nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable as the Cat leered at her. Shivering involuntarily at the look he gave her, she came out of her semi-trance suddenly, "Oh, I also found this" she said, flipping through a pile of papers and handing one to Lister.

"Plan of a graveyard?" he said, not understanding why he needed it.

"With Steven's grave marked on it" she pointed out the highlighted square "Shall we go and check it out?" she suggested, as the Dwarf gang exchanged looks with Clark and Pete.

"Actually, Chloe, I thought we could go and see Lex first" Clark suggested, thinking quickly.

"Oh, okay" she relented "but what about these guys?" she gestured to the four.

"Oh, we've got stuff to do" Lister said, hurriedly getting up and encouraging the others to do the same, shooting Clark a look as he added, "We'll see you guys later"

Tipping the boys a wink, Lister let Clark and Pete know that their plan was to visit the graveyard themselves and sort out this mess.

As the four made their way to the door, Cat slinked passed Chloe, not happy about having to leave her behind.

"See ya later, baby" he whispered to her as he slipped away.

"Yeah, sure, whatever" she half smiled as he followed his crew mates out of the Torch office and down the corridor.

"Clark, those guys are seriously strange" she laughed a little as she pulled on her jacket ready to leave and go visit Lex.

"Then I guess they belong in Smallville" Clark smiled.

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

****

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter)

Chapter 7

On the edge of a small and unsuspecting Kansas town, a group of four unlikely heroes walked through a graveyard. Armed with a computer generated map of headstones and tombs, a couple of bazookoids, and a psy-scan, the three humanoids and the android trod carefully on through the overgrown grass, in the dead of night.

"This place is disgusting" the Cat complained, decked out in a black leather combat-ready outfit with gold spangles and a bandana, "What are we looking for anyway?"

"Some sort of life sign, Cat" Lister explained, "Can you smell anything near this grave?" he asked, rushing to the spot and waving an arm.

"Nothing other than dead person" came the feline's grossed-out reply, the look on his face saying it all, as he came to stand next to his companion taking half a deep breath, and then letting go as the stench overwhelmed him.

"Lister, it's all a dead end" Rimmer shook his head, jumping every time an owl hooted or a leaf blew past on the wind, "and it's nothing to do with us anyway" he pointed out as they stood around the tombstone of one Steven Stewart.

"Mr Rimmer, sir" Kryten suddenly sounded alarmed, "The psy-scan!" he gestured as the machine started up beeping like crazy, the display screen showing a huge peak in the usually relatively flat line.

It was clear that Kryten and Lister's bodge job on the little machine to make it more sensitive had indeed worked, but it remained to be seen just how sensitive it really was. What the flashing and beeping meant was unclear at first, and then they saw.

"No-one is going to stop me getting my revenge" a voice boomed, as the figure from before flickered into existence in front of them, looking as human as anybody else, if not decidedly green, "I wasn't allowed to live beyond High School!" he yelled, "Why should they?! Lex Luthor won't get away with what he did to me!" he sneered, before disappearing just as Lister pointed his bazookoid.

The bolts that shot from the weapon passed through the night air, almost decapitating a stone angel beyond where the figure had stood.

"He's gone" Cat shook his head, "For a minute I got a scent, now there's nothin', like he was never here" he frowned, not really understanding how all this was happening.

"But he was" Rimmer noted, staring at the empty space where the young man had been, going so far as to walk through the very air he had taken the place of and marvelling at the fact he was really gone.

"Yeah, he was here alright" Lister nodded, "and threatening to kill Smallville teenagers and Luthor on the way" he sighed, as he pulled a cigarette from his hat, placing it in his mouth and lighting it.

This was all a little too weird for him, and he needed the nicotine to calm his nerves which were starting to rattle. Though he refused to admit it, this graveyard was freaking him it just a little bit, and the sudden beeping of the psy-scan once again made him jump violently.

"It's coming back!" Rimmer yelped, diving behind the nearest tombstone and covering his head with his arms.

"No, sir, it's not Steven this time" Kryten assured him, "The psy-scan is now picking up signals on the other calibration"

"What that hell does that mean?" Cat wanted to know as Lister looked over his android friends shoulder at the read outs.

"It means it's somethin' to do with the time hole, you smeghead" he rolled his eyes.

"Indeed, sirs" Kryten nodded once, "According to these read-outs, the energy levels suggest the time hole will reopen in a little over two Earth hours" he told them, "It probably won't stay open very long"

"Define 'very long'" Rimmer said, as he step out from his hiding place and dusted down his hardlight body.

"Perhaps a further two or three hours, sir, it's difficult to tell" the android explained, looking a little agitated about the whole situation.

"Then I suggest we get back to Starbug" the ex-second technician said, with emphatic hand gestures, until Lister shook his head, thinking of a few hand gestures he'd like to share with the gimboid he was forced to share a bunk with.

"Rimmer, man, we can't just leave now" he insisted, adjusting the bazookoid strapped to his back, "These guys need our help"

"Lister, he's Superman!" Rimmer insisted, as he followed his crew mate through the grave yard, "or at least he will be, you don't think he can dispose of a zombied morpher on his own?"

"He's just a kid, Rimmer, alien or not, and we owe it to him" Lister insisted, "He kept our secret"

"Yeah, and we kept his" came the counter attack from Cat now, who seemed equally unimpressed at having to stick around, "This planet, especially this part, smells worse than some of your socks, Monkey Brain" he insisted, as Lister gave him a look that was far from pleased by his comments.

"Come on, man" he said, trying to appeal to the better side of Rimmer once again, despite the fact he knew already the task would prove near-impossible, "I like to think everything we do has a purpose" he said, turning to face the crew as they reached the cemetery gates, "Us being in space, going through that time hole and landing here, it's all got to mean something, otherwise there's no point in living" he told them.

"But saving Lex Luthor's life, sir?" even Kryten questioned his leaders motives, "Is he not the one who killed Superman in the end?"

"That was never proved, Krytes" Lister shook his head, "Besides whatever happens in the future, this guy is Clark's best friend right now. We owe it to him"

"Alright we'll help him" Rimmer sighed, looking unimpressed still, "but if we miss that time hole, Lister, I'm going to make your life hell"

"That's not a threat, Rimmer" his crew-mate called over his shoulder as they continued walking, "You already make my life hell"

"If we get stuck here, we could change time" the hologram said with insistence.

"That is so, sir" Kryten agreed, "It is quite important that we pass through the time hole as soon as possible"

"Look, it'll be okay" Lister waved away their concerns with another newly lit cigarette, blowing smoke into the cool night air, "We'll help Clark deal with the Krypto Kid and then we'll get back to the 'Bug and take her through the time hole, okay?"

"Er, sir, may I point out that as yet Kryptonite has not been named" his android companion advised, "The green fragments are known simply as 'the meteor rocks' at the present time, so your reference to 'the Krypto Kid' must not be repeated in front of our friend Mr Kent, or anyone else for that matter"

"Good point, Kryten" Lister nodded, "Slip of the tongue, won't happen again"

* * *

Since Pete had made it abundantly clear he hadn't wanted to go visit Lex at the hospital, something that came as no surprise to his friends, Chloe had questioned why she and her friend hadn't gone with Lister and his gang, whilst Clark visited Lex alone. Some lame excuse had been made about Pete needing to get home to his family who would be worrying, and Clark needing a ride to the Smallville Medical Centre. Chloe had accepted these awful reasons, simply because she couldn't be bothered to argue, or so she said. Actually, she was pretty eager to see the young Mr Luthor herself, though she wasn't entirely sure why. She really didn't know him that well, and if the rumours around town were to be believed she shouldn't want to. Still, her Dad always spoke well of him, as did Clark, and the small amount of time she'd spent with him had been pleasant, almost fun, not counting when she was pushed out of a window at his house last year, but that really wasn't his fault.

"How was he when you left him?" Clark asked as they walked down the hospital corridor together.

"Not bad, actually" Chloe nodded, finding it weird that she was the only one who knew about the condition of the billionaire.

At first she had assumed that Clark had become distracted by Lana, but now the truth seemed to be he'd been hanging out with Lister and his friends investigating the weird creature that had attacked the party. Just as Chloe was starting to feel bad for thinking Clark would choose the fairy princess' welfare over that of his best friend, she took it right back. Lana Lang herself appeared from one of the side rooms of the hospital and suddenly Clark had eyes for no-one but her.

"Okay" Chloe said mostly to herself, "So, I guess I'll check on Lex whilst you two… yeah" she said, deciding it was pointless even continuing to speak since nobody was listening.

"Miss Sullivan" she was greeted by the man now stood by the window.

It was almost as if nothing had happened, as far as Chloe could see, and she was suddenly very self-conscious as Lex came towards her.

"Hey, look at you, all up and walking around" she smiled a little nervously.

"Don't tell me you came for your exclusive interview with the victim of the attack already?" he checked, "I guess a good reporter can't wait for me to get out of hospital?" he said thoughtfully, though the smile on his face took away from what might've been a nastier comment.

"I actually just came to see if you were okay" she said, not as affronted as she might've been, but then Chloe was used to accusations and not exactly being loved by her fellow human beings. Such was the life of a wannabe reporter, "I brought Clark along with me but he got a little side-tracked" she admitted with an almost embarrassed look on her face as she gestured back through the window at where her friend and Lana were talking in the hall.

"Ah, yes" Lex nodded, "Our Miss Lang does know how to captivate an audience"

"Especially if that audience is Clark Kent" Chloe said bitterly.

"My, my, Miss Sullivan, you almost sound jealous" Lex teased her, "I'm sure you can find a more fitting young man than Clark for a partner in crime" he suggested, and she looked back at him oddly.

"I don't know what you…" she began, but the way he stared at her cracked her resolve to deny what was obvious to all, "Clark and I are just friends" she sighed, "I can't see that changing any time soon"

"If he can't see how special you are, Chloe" Lex told her, using her first name for a change, "Then I'm sure he doesn't deserve you"

"Wow, a compliment from the great Lex Luthor" she smirked up at him, bravado and sarcasm used as always to cover any embarrassment caused, "I am honoured"

"And sarcasm from the great Chloe Sullivan" his smirk mirrored hers now, "A little less shocking to hear, I have to admit"

"Us non-princess types have to have a sense of humour at least" she shrugged, looking back at Clark and Lana for a moment, before her eyes returned to Lex, only to find he was looking far too seriously at her now, "What?" she checked, feeling a little weird about him staring down at her that way.

"Chloe" he said seriously, "When I get out of here, would you do me the honour of having dinner with me?"

"Why, Lex?" she asked, with a nervous laugh.

"I know I'm somewhat famous for my ulterior motives, but in this case all I'm looking for is an evening in the pleasure of your company" he assured her, "I would think I owe you something for sitting at my bedside last night and visiting me again today" he said with a smile, "And beyond that, I'd be interested in getting to know you better, Chloe"

"Then what can I say?" she shrugged her shoulders, another oddly nervous laugh escaping her lips, "Thank you, Lex, I would love to have dinner with you"

To Be Continued...


	8. Chapter 8

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 8

"Check it out guys, it's like a real farm and everythin'" Lister grinned, as excited as a child as he and his friends approached the Kent house.

A combination of Kryten's superb memory of earlier conversations and Cat's ability to track just about anybody or anything with his nose had led this motley crew to Clark's home. They ought to have stayed away, but with morning fast approaching, the school didn't seem like a good place to hang around, and with Halloween over and no disguises, the Red Dwarf posse would look more than a little conspicuous just wandering around town.

"Lister, let me go first, you stupid gimboid" he urged his bunkmate, pushing ahead of him on the front porch, "You'll scare the locals to death with that face"

"Get stuffed, Rimmer!" came the childish reply, as Lister knocked on the door anyway and was greeted by a rather startled Martha Kent.

"Er, can I help you?" she asked, looking decidedly nervous and yet facing those she feared and not backing down.

"Charmita" Rimmer greeted her with an over the top bow, and Lister rolled his eyes.

"Good morning, ma'am" Kryten said in best manners mode, "We were hoping to speak with your son, Clark Kent"

Fearing the worst, and that this odd bunch might know her sons secret and want to do him harm, Martha hurriedly told them all to go away and slammed the door in their faces. Through the wood and glass she could be heard screaming for her husband, Jonathan, and Clark too.

"That didn't go too good, did it?" Cat asked as Lister dragged him down off the porch, along with the other two, for fear of them all getting shot by an angry Jonathan Kent with a rifle.

"Great deduction, Sherlock" Lister said sarcastically, as they ducked down out of sight and Mr Kent appeared with the gun they'd expected, "Er, hello, sir" the human said carefully, standing up from the hiding place down the side of the porch steps, his hands held up in surrender.

"I don't know who you are or what you think you need to see my son for" said the angry farmer, "but if you're not off my property in the next minute..." he said, pointing the shotgun at Lister who swallowed hard.

"Dad!" a sudden shout took everyone's attention, as Clark super-sped into view, grabbing the muzzle of the gun and pushing til his father was now more likely to hit the ground than people with any bullets that escaped.

"So this is what it feels like to be saved by..." Lister began whispering to his friends, as they now stood up beside him. He soon stopped when he realised what the was about to say and why he shouldn't - Superman was a word not yet known to Clark or anyone, and wouldn't be for several years.

"Now what on Earth is going on here?" Jonathan wanted to know, turning from the sight of four odd looking people in futuristic clothes, to his son who looked a little nervous.

"Dad, they're friends of mine" he explained, "Kind of, it's a long story but... they know my secret" he explained.

"Okay" Jonathan nodded once, not looking impressed by what the saw or heard right now, "Then I suggest we all go into the house and get some breakfast, and that you all start your story, from the beginning"

* * *

"See, Dad" Clark said, just as finished draining his glass of milk, "I didn't tell them who I was, they know anyway"

"It's quite a lot to take in, you being from the future and everything" Martha said, putting her hand to her head as if she felt a headache coming on - truth be told, she really did.

"My apologies for any concern we have caused you, Mrs Kent" Kryten said politely, as his humanoid friends continued to stuff their faces with pancakes, waffles, and the like, "Unfortunately, there is little time for continued conversation on the matter"

"Why? What's going on?" Clark was eager to know, "Did something happen last night with the zombie guy that attacked Lex?"

"This is the meteor boy that you can't go near, son?" Jonathan checked, and his son nodded he was right.

"That thing came at us at the graveyard" Cat explained, around a mouthful of food, "Man, that thing smells bad, and I don't think he had much fashion sense even when he was alive"

"Shut you, you stupid goit!" Rimmer commanded him, "You're not smeggin' helping"

Cat just shot him a look and continued eating.

"The point is, the thing is still out there, still threatening to kill Lex Luthor, and any teenagers in the vicinity he can lay his disgusting green zombied hands on" the hologram explained.

"No, Rimmer" Lister corrected him, wiping his mouth on a napkin as he swallowed one last mouthful of real food that he missed so much, "The point is that the thing needs clobbering, and somehow we've got to figure out how to do that before the time hole closes"

"Time hole?" Martha echoed, "That's your way home?" she checked, hoping she was following this right.

"Indeed, ma'am" Kryten nodded, "The time hole allowed us to come back to this place and time and when it re-opens in just one Earth hour from now we will have a maximum of a further three hours to pass through it, back to our original point in time and space"

"I guess if we want to figure out how to beat this thing we should talk to Chloe" Clark considered, "She's pretty much the expert on meteor freaks"

"So, lets go find her already!" Cat said excitedly, jumping up from his seat, "I'm sick of staring at you ugly people, bring on the lady cat already!" he said, heading for the door, as Rimmer and Kryten followed.

Lister was last to leave, making a point of shaking Jonathan's hand and kissing Martha's cheek.

"Thanks for the hospitality" he said sincerely, before turning away, "C'mon, Clark!" he called to the boy who promised his parents he would be careful, as always, before following his unlikely friends out of the house and off towards Chloe's home.

* * *

Gathered in Chloe's living room, Miss Sullivan was only glad her father was at work, that and the fact Clark and Pete had bought only two of their new and odd friends to her home, the other having apprently gone to 'check on their transportation'. Still, how Chloe would explain the sudden appearance of even four men on her doorstep, she wasn't entirely sure, and what bothered her even more than being squashed into one room of her house with a farm boy, her other best friend, and two almost-strangers one who fairly obviously wanted her, was that her head was in fact filled right now by another man; Lex Luthor, Smallville's resident billionaire, no less!

Whilst trying to concentrate on the matter at hand, and simultaneously fend off the advances of a man she'd only heard referred to as Cat so far, she was struggling with thoughts of an almost-date she arranged with Lex at the hospital. It was crazy to think he wanted to spend time with her, and not Lana. After all, every guy in Smallville, hell, every guy on the planet seemed to prefer the fairy princess to the snarky reporter, and yet, it was Chloe who'd received the dinner invitation, and for reasons as yet unknown, she could not stop smiling about it. It created more than one problem, since she knew now was not the time to be thinking about this, with a threatening zombie guy on the loose around town and the odd men sitting before her apparently on a clock. Besides, it's not like Pete would be too thrilled to hear about her date with a man he considered to be his family's nemesis anyway. Clark probably wouldn't care either way, but Chloe felt she'd rather not have his opinion on the subject at all. His lack of interest might hurt a little too much just now.

"Yo, Chloe!" Pete prompted some reaction from her as she stared at she sat staring at the screen of her laptop, clearly without really seeing anything at all, "You okay?" he checked.

"Yeah, sure, I was just thinking" she said, with a nervous laugh, "Y'know, trying to think where else I can look for information on this guy"

"Maybe if we knew exactly how he got the way he is?" Lister suggested, "Can't you find out like exactly how he died?"

"Just give me a minute" Chloe nodded, tapping away at the keys once again.

The men around her waited patiently, until finally the blonde had a eureka moment. Unfortunately, she didn't look too happy at her discovery.

"Huh" she said flatly, re-reading the records, "This doesn't make any sense" she shook her head, as Pete leaned over her shoulder to see what was worrying his friend.

"So he died from a smack to the head" the boy shrugged, "Probably a meteor rock"

"Thats not what's weird, Pete" Chloe told him, turning the computer on the table so all the assembled persons would see what she was pointing at, "Look at this, just a couple of months ago, it says Steven Stewart had a heart transplant"

"But he's been dead for years" Clark frowned, "Why would a dead guy need a heart transplant?"

"Maybe somebody wanted a new one and his was just lying around all handy" the Cat suggested, receiving three unimpressed looks for his trouble - he really was profoundly stupid sometimes!

"People have heart transplants to get a healthier heart" Lister told him, "Who'd want a dead one?"

"Somebody who didn't actually want to use it?" Chloe guessed, "Who's to say whoever took this guys heart out never wanted it to put into somebody else?" she said, giving her friends and new-found acquaintance something to think about.

"So, you think maybe someone dug up a dead person and pulled out his heart, because it seemed like fun?" Clark checked, looking decidedly unimpressed and maybe even a little nauseous.

"Clark, this guy was killed by the meteors" his friend reminded him, "You know there are plenty of freaky doctors or whatever that'd kill for the chance to experiment on something like this"

"That is sick" Pete said, the expression on his face showing the disgust he really felt.

There was no doubt that everybody in the room agreed with his sentiments entirely, but this discoervy and their opinions on it were not an answer to the real question - what were they going to do to defeat Smallville latest, greatest meteor freak before he got to killing those he had his eye on?

_To Be Continued...  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 9

"I still don't see why these guys are so determined to go after our latest meteor freak without us?" Chloe frowned, "Are they some kind if professional meteor freak killers or what?" she asked Clark who shifted awkwardly.

"I don't know" he shrugged, hating that once again he was having to lie to a friend, but knowing he couldn't betray the Red Dwarf posse secret, anymore than he wanted them to betray his.

Cat and Lister had left the young Smallvillians a while ago, heading back to their 'transport' as they cryptically phrased it, to meet with Rimmer and Kryten. They didn't quite explain the reason for the meeting, but Clark and Pete had been fine with it and for once Chloe kept her reporters instinct to question at bay. They seemed like nice guys who just wanted to help. Investigation into their real motives could wait until the latest Smallville big bad was dead, or at least more permanently dead than he was right now. With Lex and the teens of Smallville likely to be the ghost boys victims, it made sense to let anyone willing to help save the day do just that without treading on any toes, even Chloe could see that.

"So, recap" Pete said, closing an apparently useless book on ghosts and dropping it onto the floor beside the couch, "This thing is the ghost of a guy killed in the meteor shower who lately had his heart ripped out by some freaky doctor"

"Seems that way" Chloe nodded, "He's able to take solid form, presumably because of the meteors" she went onto review, "but he can disappear into thin air like any ordinary ghost"

"She says, as if ghosts are ordinary" Pete responded, with an eye roll.

"This may be a crazy idea…" Clark said suddenly, as he flipped the pages of a book on mythical creatures, "but what if the heart of this guy is the way to destroy him?" he asked.

"The heart that he doesn't have?" Chloe asked, with a dubious look but Clark shook his head.

"You said there was a heart transplant on these records" he pointed to her computer where his friend had found said information, "I'm guessing they put something back in the body when they took out his own heart, otherwise where's the big gaping hole when he appears?"

"Okay, so the meteor freak has a non freaky heart" Chloe shrugged, "How does that help?"

"Look at this book" Clark urged her, and Chloe and Pete came to look over each of their friends shoulders at the volume he held in his hands, "Vampires are killed with a stake through the heart, werewolves by a silver bullet through the heart" he showed them one page then another.

"So, all this stuff dies with somethin' jammed through it's heart" Pete picked up on what Clark was trying to say, "Maybe that's the trick to bringing down Shaun of the Dead's ugly brother" he guessed.

"It's the best idea anyone's had so far" Chloe agreed, "and if the heart's not his own, it could be he can't control it as easy as the rest of his body" she considered, "If he can't so easily make his heart incorporeal there's a chance it'd be the easiest part of him to hit anyway, before he pulls a Houdini"

"We should tell Lister and the guys about this" Clark said as he got to is feet, and Chloe sat down at her computer once again.

"There's still one thing that's bothering me" she said, shaking her head as she scrolled the screen down and read the words she'd found previously, "Who's the animal that ripped this guy out of the ground and pulled out his heart that way?"

* * *

"Mr Luthor, please understand…" the man in the labcoat and glasses said nervously as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat in front of the desk.

"I understand perfectly, Doctor" Lex interrupted him, "I understand that you performed experiments that were far beyond those I requested" he said calmly, though it was clear that beneath the cool exterior, anger was bubbling almost out of control.

"I carried out only the experiments I thought necessary" the Doctor tried to defend himself, though his quivering voice did him no favours as he tried to sound confident and competent at the same time.

"Tell me, Doctor" Lex said, innocent sounding words edged with steel, "Exactly what part of your medical training taught you that it was necessary to exhume the bodies of innocent victims of a natural disaster, remove their vital organs, and replace them with others, before burying them back where you found them?" he asked, not looking at all pleased about any of this.

"You... M-Mr Luthor, you asked for a full investigation into the effects of the meteor rocks" the doctor stammered, "I was simply following instructions..."

"No" Lex interrupted as he stood up from his seat, "My instructions to you were very clear. I want to know what effect the meteor rocks have on the human life around Smallville" he said icily, "I'm fairly certain I would remember if I gave any instruction at all as to creating some kind of monster that wanted me dead" he said, volume of his voice rising as he got more angry.

"I-I'm sorry" the doctor told the billionaire's back, as Lex poured himself a scotch and gazed out of the castle window, "I only did what I thought... I thought I was doing what you wanted, I had no idea... I couldn't've know..."

"I am paying you a lot of money, Doctor, so that you do know" Lex said as he suddenly spun around and leant in close, his face just a few inches from that of the terrified man in the chair, "I can't have people on my staff that allow this kind of malpractice to happen, that can allow myself and the citizens of Smallville to be put in this kind of danger" he said, gesturing to the bump and bruising on the side of his head where he'd been knocked flying by the zombie or ghost creature that had attacked at his party.

"I am sorry" the doctor repeated, swallowing hard, "And if there's anything more, anything at all I can do, Mr Luthor, sir, I will..."

"All I want you to do, Doctor" Lex told him with an almost frighteningily easy smile, "Is make the problem you caused go away" he said with a snap of his fingers as he stood up straight once again and put his hands in is pockets, "You conjured up a monster, now you make it go away"

"I'm not sure that I..." the doctor began, until Lex's friendly stare turned steeling once again, "I will, Mr Luthor, I'll make it go away" he swore, though in all honesty he had no idea how he was going to do it yet.

Glad to finally be dismissed from the office, the doctor scrambled to his feet and made for the door. His hand had barely touched the handle when Lex called for his attention.

"And doctor?" he said, as the man in the labcoat glanced back at him, "Rest assured, if you don't make this problem disappear" he said with a look in has eye that made that doctor shudder even at this distance, "I may just have to make you disappear" he warned, before the poor man went scuttling out of the office, all too eager to escape the confines of the billionaires castle where he felt far from safe.

Back in his office, Lex turned his attention back to the window, until he finally saw the doctor leave the grounds. He was angry at that man, the one that would lead a team of doctors in experiments he had called for, investigations into the effects of the green rocks that had fallen from the sky over twelve years ago now. Lex ran a hand over his bald head, a subconscious reaction to thinking of the meteor shower that had caused him to lose his hair at a young age. It didn't bother him much anymore, the actual baldness, after all so many famous people shaved their heads these days, simply wanting to look this way. It had made him a stronger person too, having to stand up to bullies as he'd grown up with this obvious difference to his peers. What bugged Lex was not really understanding why this had happened to him, why those meteors fell, and why they affected so many people in Smallville, and in so many different ways.

Chloe shared his interest in that, he recalled with a smile. She was a smart woman, in spite of being almost too young to carry the title. Most sixteen year olds were just children in grown-up clothes, but not Miss Sullivan. She was a force to be reckoned with, and though she wasn't the conventionally beautiful princess type, like a certain young lady who shared his initials, Lex thought she was far from unattarctive. He wondered why Clark had never noticed what was right there in front of his nose, and yet the young Luthor knew all too well that these were the things and people whose worth was rarely noticed.

Turning back to his desk, Lex picked up the phone and dialled a number he'd made it his business to remember.

"Chloe Sullivan" said the voice on the other end of the line.

"Chloe, it's Lex Luthor" he told her with a smile he couldn't help but let out.

"Oh, hi, Lex" she said, almost awkwardly, "I wasn't really expecting you to call" she giggled, sounding a little nervous suddenly, "Did I give you my number?" she said then, and he could almost picture the frown that formed on her face.

"Your father works for my company, Chloe" Lex reminded her, "I have all possible contact numbers listed here in case of emergencies" he explained, though Chloe knew it would still be a little odd for him to have the number for her cell.

Okay, so a company sometimes held details of next of kin in case of an accident or whatever, but Chloe was sure Lex must've done some hacking or similar to get this particular number. It didn't bother her so much, if anything, she was kind of impressed that he went to such trouble just for her.

"So, what can I do for you?" Chloe asked when she realised it was her turn to speak.

"If you recall, Miss Sullivan, when we last spoke, I offered to take you out to dinner" he said formally, "I wondered if tonight would be suitable"

"Actually..." Chloe said awkwardly, as she looked at her computer screen and the clock in the corner, "I don't know, I..."

"If you've changed your mind, Chloe, you can tell me" Lex assured her, "I won't lie and say I wouldn't be disappointed but I will understand"

"No, Lex, I'd love to have dinner with you" she assured him, finding it a little strange that she really meant it quite strongly, "And y'know tonight will be fine" she said eventually.

Clark and Pete had practically forbade her from going with them to meet Lister and his crew, and told her in no uncertain terms they could handle the Freak of the Week without her. For once Chloe decided she was going to do her own thing, and not run along after those guys. She wanted to spend time with Lex, and he wanted to spend time with her, unlike certain farm boys she could think of.

"So, if I send the limo around to pick you up at say eight?" Lex suggested "That would be fine?"

"Better than fine" Chloe smiled, shutting down her laptop, "I can't wait"

* * *

"I thought you said this was the right field?" Pete frowned, looking to Clark, "I don't see no spaceship" he said with a shake of his head, glancing back towards where they'd left the truck parked on the side of the road, and then out across the fields.

"It's not like you can just see it, Pete" his friend remind him, "Lister said it was cloaked, remember?" he said, concentrating his X-ray vision as he scanned the area.

"What do you see, man?" Pete asked him after a moment, but received no answer as his friend strode away from him with a smile on his face.

Reaching up with his fist he tapped on what seemed to be thin air, and yet the clanging sound it made suggested something huge and metal.

"Lister!" Clark called up, and Pete watched in astonishment as something shimmered before him, and then it appeared - a large, bright green spaceship, the shape of a huge bug.

"Alright, kids?" Lister grinned as he opened up the door and called down to the ground, "You two wanna hop up here quick so we can re-hide the 'Bug?" he suggested as Rimmer appeared behind him waving madly and looking like he was about to have some kind of fit.

Clark and Pete did as they were told, making sure no-one was watching and then bounding up the metal staircase, one behind the other. They barely made it through the door before Rimmer was calling for Kryten to re-activate the cloak, and the Starbug disappeared from view from the outside.

"Man, this is sweet" Pete grinned, as he wandered through to the ships cockpit, checking out the control panels, fingers itching to press buttons and pull levers.

It was the Cat that stopped him.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you, boy" he snapped, "This crate makes a sharp move and throws my clothes around the cargo bay, you ain't gonna get out of here alive" he declared, as Pete backed off with his hands held up in surrender.

Cat fixed him with an unimpressed look, light glinting off his eyes as well as the fake diamonds that encrusted the shoulders of a black sequinned jacket that reminded Pete more of an old Michael Jackson video than anything else.

"Yo guys, meeting through here, now!" Lister urged them, and the Red Dwarf posse plus their two human friends were soon seated around the scanner table

"Before we begin, sirs" Kryten said, looking agitated, "I must remind everyone that the time hole is now open, and according to the calculations which I have run through the navi-comp, it is unlikely to stay open for more than two Earth hours, three at best"

"What happens if you miss this time hole thing?" Pete checked.

"Missing it is not an option" Rimmer insisted, "If we miss this we're stuck here indefinitely, maybe for good"

"Would that be so bad?" Clark checked, "I mean, you're originally from Earth" he shrugged.

"But this is not our place in the world, Mr Kent" Kryten explained, "Staying here too long will change the very course of time. We must remember the effects causality, we could cause all kinds of damage"

"Yeah, and I'm not stayin' in this hole a minute longer than I have to" Cat sneered, "Too much dirt, and too many monkeys around" he said, looking at Clark and moreover Pete with distaste, after all this dude had dared to attempt to touch the buttons on his console!

"Then I guess I should explain fast what we found out" Clark considered, taking a breath to begin his story.

"Give us the low down, mate" Lister nodded once, "And then watch us throw out the garbage"

_To Be Continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 10

"Cat, will you stop messing around and get over here?!" Lister complained, when the feline man did not seem willing to keep up.

"I don't like this place" he complained, "There's a weird smell in here" he said, wrinkling his nose as he stalked through the graveyard behind the rest of the Dwarf crew, Lister with his bazookoid over his shoulder, Kryten with the psy-scan checking for signs of life, and Rimmer nervously looking about and wishing he was anywhere but here.

"What did you expect in a smeggin' graveyard, you stupid goit of a cat?" Rimmer took time out from panicking to be angry at his crew mate.

"I'm not talking about the dead person smell" he rolled his eyes, "There's somethin' else, somethin' bad"

"Perhaps you are picking up the scent of the incarnation of Mr Stewart that we must find, sir" Kryten suggested, as the psy-scan started to beep more frequently, signalling that they were probably getting closer to the creature.

Of course this was not what the Cat was smelling at all. Across the graveyard, hidden behind a tomb stone, was the very doctor that had caused all the mayhem in Smallville over the last couple of days. As Lex had told him to do, he had come here to make the problem of the green and ghostly Steven Stewart disappear, for fear of Mr Luthor making him disappear instead. He wasn't really sure how he was going to do it, he only knew he must.

When the group of strangers had entered the grave yard it had seemed like the best idea to hide, after all, he had no idea who they were, and it was probably best that nobody saw him here anyway, especially armed as he was with an illegal gun. He only hoped these seemingly innocent people didn't get in the way of the creature he himself had come to deal with. He wasn't sure he could have their injuries or even deaths on his conscience.

Peering out around the tomb behind which he was hidden, he realised he was not the only one who had come here looking for a fight. The weapons the strangers carried were strange and not like anything he'd ever seen before. Certainly if such things had been developed and made around Smallville he would know about it. After all, his boss, Lex Luthor, was the only one who would have enough money for the necessary research and development.

"Here is the grave, sir" Kryten told Lister as they arrived by it, and the Doctor hid himself away and just listened, "Though it seems the signal has now dropped, as if Mr Stewart is not here"

"Will you stop calling the monster 'Mr Stewart'?!" Rimmer demanded, effecting an odd variation on Kryten's own voice as he stated the name, "He's a killer, not the last Earl Duke of Gloucester!" he complained.

"Didn't the last Earl Duke of Gloucester get life for killing his brother?" Lister said thoughtfully, as Rimmer fought the urge to knock him upside his head for being unhelpful and stepping all over his point.

"Come on, let's just get on with this, get back to Starbug, and get out of this weird place" Rimmer urged them, as the crew all scanned the darkening grave yard for signs of life, or perhaps unlife?

"Hey, I think it's coming" Cat said suddenly looking overly thoughtful for one usually so stupid.

Lister leant over Kryten's shoulder to see the psy-scan which suddenly started flashing and bleeping like crazy once again.

"Hold onto your hats, boys!" Lister declared as a cold wind whistled past with something visibly green swirling in it, "It's clobbering time!"

* * *

"How long do you think it's gonna take to get rid of this thing?" Pete asked Clark as they sat out in the field waiting for the Boys from the Dwarf to return, victorious from their ghost-slaying mission.

"I don't know, Pete" his friend sighed, "I just, I kinda feel like I should be the one over at the grave yard, y'know, fighting my own battles"

"This ain't your battle, Clark" Pete told him with a shake of his head, "Just cos you appointed yourself Smallville's own superhero, don't mean every problem we get you gotta solve" he said, as Clark smiled a little.

"I guess you're right" he admitted, "I suppose I just feel kind of responsible for the stuff that happens here. After all, the meteors came down with my ship, if it wasn't for me..."

"If it wasn't for you, nothing" Pete said firmly, "Okay so there'd be less meteor freak weirdos, but the town would still have problems, Clark" he told him, "Hell, we got guys here, they still got problems and they're from way in the future, long after we gone" Pete pointed out, tapping on the hull of the spaceship they were leaned up against, despite the fact it was invisible to the human eye.

"Do you have to be right all the time?" Clark asked with a smile and Pete shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say, man?" he grinned, "That's _my_ super power"

That gave the boys a chuckle for a while, but Clark soon turned serious again.

"You think we should've told Chloe more about all this?" he asked, "I feel kind of bad hiding stuff from her... even more stuff" he amended, when he realised there was already quite a lot she didn't know about him and his situation.

"I don't know" Pete said thoughtfully, "You know she'd go nuts if she thought we met guys from outerspace, her reporters instinct would go into overdrive... you really think your man Lister and his crew want to be all over the Torch, maybe even the Inquisitor before they leave?"

"No way" Clark shook his head, knowing he wouldn't wish to suffer a similar fate, "Besides Kryten did say we had to keep the people that know about them to a minimum because of all that causality stuff"

"Exactly" Pete nodded, "The girl's better off not knowing. 'Sides she can't be that interested, she totally bailed on us tonight without us even havin' to try and convince her she shouldn't be here"

Clark wondered about that. Chloe was always the one who wanted to be there, in the thick of it all, monitoring the action so she could report back on the latest crimes and weird happenings around Smallville. The young reporter must have had something pretty special or important to do this evening that stopped her wanting to be a part of the action.

* * *

"Well, Mr Luthor" Chloe smiled as she took his offered hand and allowed him to help her out of the limo, "I had no idea I'd be getting the full on millionaire charm offensive tonight" she said, almost giggling, a noise that was abrasive and awful to her on ears, but Lex didn't seem to mind so much.

"When I take a lady out to dinner, Miss Sullivan, that is how I treat her; like a lady" he explained, with a smile as he looped her arm through his and led her into the restaurant.

Chloe felt a little odd being here in such a fancy place, to eat dinner with the richest guy for a few hundred miles. On any normal night she'd be with Pete and Clark hanging out at the Talon, or on some kind of stake out to get the latest greatest Torch scoop, or maybe just home alone, wishing she had somewhere better to go. This was definitely no ordinary night, as a gentleman pulled out a chair for her and Chloe took a seat at a table complete with pristine table cloth, polished silver, and flickering candles.

"Chloe" Lex caught her attention from across the table, pulling her from too many deep thoughts, "You know that if you really don't want to be here..."

"Stop trying to second guess what I'm thinking, Lex" she said, in a moment of boldness, mostly borne out of the fact she was trying to cover for her genuine feelings of being so out of place, "You know how well I speak my mind. If I didn't want to be here, I'd tell you" she said with a smile, and received a similar look back for her trouble.

Chloe wasn't sure why her stomach flipped over when Lex looked at her that way, or why, right now, she couldn't get a clear picture of Clark in her head no matter how hard she tried. Forgotten was the days events, the weird guys that had visited her house as new friends of her own friends, and the green creature that had ruined Lex's party the night before.

Now, here they were, just a couple of young people out on a date, eyes only for each other, and a plan to just have a nice evening. It was a rare event for anyone in Smallville, especially Chloe, to get that. Hopefully tonight it would happen, with Lex.

* * *

Cat did a good job of giving the ghost-boy a run for his money, quite literally in fact, as he practically danced around the graveyard, leaping over tombstones and rolling across the ground. His feline grace was beyond the capability of the ghostly green figure who apparently took some time to fade out and reappear somewhere else.

Several shots had been fired, both by the Cat and Lister, whilst Kryten did his best to keep track of where Steven Stewart's kryptonite-fuelled spirit would pop up next using the psy-scan, and Rimmer shrieked like a girl and hid - situation normal, despite the strange circumstances the Boyz from the Dwarf found themselves in.

The Doctor, who was still crouched behind a grave stone, watched in awe, as the group of strangers did battle with the thing he himself had come here to destroy. They weren't exactly experts at what they did, but despite their bumbling attempts at ghost extermination, the job was eventually done. The ghost reared up before the panicked Rimmer, presumably going for the weakest target first.

"You're fighting on the wrong side!" his voice boomed, and Rimmer cowered away in abject fear as the green glowing young man brought back his fist to strike.

"Actually, we're fighting from all sides" Lister said as he suddenly appeared one side and Cat leapt into position on the other, "Say goodnight, Casper" he said as they fired their bazookoids simultaneously through the creatures heart from front an back together.

There was a blinding flash of green as the spirit of the boy screamed and the human heart he possessed was torn apart. When Lister and his posse were able to unshield their eyes once again, there was nothing there but an empty space.

"We did it!" Rimmer gasped in shock that they had actually managed to pull of their feat., "We smeggin' did it!" he grinned as he got to his feet and nobody could be bothered to explain to the hologram that actually he'd been no help at all!

"Yes!" Lister shouted, "Brutal!" waving his bazookoid over his head, but there was no time for a party.

"Mr Lister, sir, the time hole" Kryten said, hurriedly, "We have scarcely twenty Earth minutes to get back"

"Let's go!" the humanoid yelled, as the gang moved swiftly out of the graveyard, Rimmer correcting Lister for his bad use of the word Casper, who had been a friendly ghost.

The two bickered as they ran back to the field where they'd left their vehicle, as well as Clark and Pete. They had no idea as they headed off that a man had been watching them the whole time. The Doctor who worked for Lex Luthor stood up from his hiding place and moved towards the space in which he'd seen the ghost of Steven Stewart be obliterated. There was nothing there now, not a scrap of evidence that anything had happened here at all, he realised, as he also checked the grave which was quiet and still.

Now he could go back to his boss and tell him the job was done, the dangerous creature had been destroyed. There was no need to mention the strangers, better to tell Mr Luthor he had done as he was told, after all he'd heard them yelling about leaving town as they ran out of the graveyard. Of course, he had no idea how they planned on leaving or where they were going, but that wasn't important right now.

_To Be Continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 11

"Well, Mr Luthor" Chloe smiled as he walked her from the limo to her front door, "I had a very nice evening, thank you"

"The pleasure was all mine, Miss Sullivan" he smirked, as he copied her in using more formal words, in spite of the fact they had been much less than that all evening.

It was almost as if they were friends, though Lex was fast coming to realise he'd like to get to know this young woman in a different way to simply that. Clark was his friend, and as such the only one he really needed. A woman in his life, that he could learn to trust, even learn to love, that would be something special. It was not something he thought of much anymore, he'd started to give up on the idea that he'd ever find such a person, and then there was Chloe.

"So, I guess I should say good night, and get inside" she said, shifting almost nervously in front of him, "Its getting pretty late and I have all that beauty sleep to fit in" she giggled, hating that she was being this way, so girly and pathetic, so... Lana, for want of a better word.

She'd been fine for most of the evening. Talking came easily to her and sharing with Lex wasn't as weird as it might sound. They'd had a great time, he'd treated her like a lady, better than that, like a woman. At her age and with her looks and manner, it wasn't something she was used to. Clark and Pete saw her as a friend, her father saw a baby girl when he looked at her, and now here was Lex Luthor, the first man to look at her this way, like she was a woman, and more than that, a beautiful woman.

"I'm sure, Chloe" he said softly as he stepped in closer to her, "That you've had quite enough beauty sleep to last you a life time" he told her, as twin smiles seemed to find their way onto his lips and hers.

Chloe wasn't sure if she was breathing or not anymore and she didn't care much either as she anticipated the kiss that never quite happened. Their lips did not quite make contact when Lex's cell phone suddenly rang in his pocket and the unlikely couple almost sprang apart in surprise.

Muttering an apology, he turned away and took the call, not entirely surprised by the voice on the other end of the line, but moreso by what he was told.

The doctor was calm and collected as he told his boss that the deed was done. The ghostly apparition of Steven Stewart had been destroyed and would never be back to haunt them again, or cause any harm to anyone. Not wanting or needing further explanation, Lex only acknowledged that he understood, before hanging up on the man that was unimportant to him, especially right now.

"That was fast" Chloe commented when suddenly he was before her again, his call done almost as fast as it had occurred.

"Some things are more important than business, Chloe" Lex told her, and before the blonde had time to process what was happening, he kissed her.

The feelings Chloe was getting now, the tingling right though her being as Lex Luthor kissed her goodnight, this was worth the wait whilst he took the phone call, worth enduring the madness of the Halloween party the night before, worth all that she'd suffered whilst caring for other men in her life that didn't feel the same. It was like coming home, and unknown to her, Lex was starting to feel just the same about it.

* * *

"Yo, guys!" Pete scrambled to his feet, along with Clark, as the Dwarf posse came pelting across the field at a rate of knots, "What happened?"

"We did it" Lister told them with a grin, "but we cut it smeggin' close!" he explained, as the others caught up with him, all looking a little out of breath.

"Deactivate cloak" Rimmer commanded as he panted for air, and Kryten used a remote sensor control to do as he was told.

"So, do you have to go back now?" Clark checked, feeling terribly disappointed when he received a nod of reply from Lister.

Here were people that were also different like he was, who understood what he was going through, and what was still to come. As odd as they were, it was comforting to have them around. Though they'd been here just a day, Clark was sure he'd miss them when they were gone.

"Yes, we have to go right now" Rimmer said urgently, though no-one bothered to hurry up with their conversation on his account.

Cat and Kryten were halfway up the steel staircase and the hologram followed at speed, leaving just Lister on the ground with his two fellow humans.

"Look, you know I come from space, from another planet" Clark said quickly to his new friend, "I'm not sure where but maybe if you could wait a couple of days, maybe I could come with you and find my home planet"

"I thought you said his planet was de..." Cat started, only to have Lister interrupt, silencing him with a look and by making a cutting motion under his chin with his hand, "Clark, that's not possible" he said, turning back to the farmboy, "Sometime you'll find out about your past and your future but going into deep space, that isn't part of your life right now" he said, shaking his head.

"You know my future?" Clark checked, though he knew they were from a time ahead of his, he wondered how they should know his own future personally.

"We know a lot of people's futures" Rimmer explained from his position from the door at the top of the stairs, Cat and Kryten now already aboard and making preparations for take off.

"Can you tell me...?" the young Kent started.

"No" Lister interrupted "Don't ask, because you know we can't tell you anything"

"That causality thing, right?" Pete nodded, understanding why it might be dangerous to know your own future, and yet kind of wishing he could ask a few questions himself.

"But I will find out about my home one day?" Clark checked.

"Clark, mate, this is your home" Lister explained, putting a hand on the boys shoulder, "Earth is your home" he told him, "Just because its not where you come from, it's where you belong" he concluded, removing his hand and turning to board the green ship in front of them.

"Don't you belong here too?" Clark called after him.

"Nah" Lister shook his head as he reached the door of Starbug, "I belong back on the Dwarf" he smiled, "I've seen parts of my future, I wish I had time to tell you about it but I don't. See, I know my destiny is on that ship. It's my home now, it's where I belong" he shrugged.

Clark just nodded. Home wasn't necessarily where you were from, it was the place where you felt happy and like you belonged. His family and friends were here, he'd grown up on Earth, in Smallville, Kansas. Though he had a planet somewhere that he was borne of, this would always be home.

"Man, we're gonna miss you guys around here" Pete called only for Cat to poke his head around the door beside Lister and flash his fangs.

"Wish we could say the same, bud" he called down to the boy, "but if I don't get away from all this farm type dirt and take a shower soon, I'm gonna have to resign my post as best looking guy in the universe" he grinned, disappearing back inside the Bug, leaving Pete and Clark with amused expressions.

Rimmer it seemed had got him back inside and now came to chase up Lister.

"Come on, you goit, let's get out of here" he ranted, as Lister rolled his eyes, not at all bothered by the snapping of his so-called superior.

"You're gonna go far, kid. Believe me, I know" he told Clark, leaning over the rail at the top of the stairs, "See ya, smegheads" he grinned at the both of them then, before diapering into the ship.

"See ya round, Lister, my man" Pete waved after him.

The two boys were forced to step back then as the engines of the ship blew out flames and smoke as it took off and flew into the darkening sky.

"Bye" Clark called pointlessly as the ship became a green speck in the night sky.

"You think they'll ever come back?" his friend asked him, watching the same green dot as it disappeared.

"I don't know, Pete" Clark answered, not taking his eyes off of the sky "but I don't think I'll ever forget them"

"Me neither" the young Ross agreed, as he wandered out of the field.

Clark stayed a moment, just staring up at the blackness above him. Lister was right, wherever he had originally come from, it didn't matter. Earth was his home, now and always.

"Here we go!" Lister yelled as the Starbug headed for the timehole that had brought them here.

A bright flash of light and a bumpy ride brought them back to the space and time they had left just a day before, and yet their adventure to Earth in the twentieth century had seemed much longer.

"Relocating Red Dwarf's vapour trail" Kryten said, tapping on the console before him, "At present speed and course... goodness, sirs, it seems we are scarcely a day behind!" he said joyously.

"Right then, boys" Lister smiled as he gripped the controls, "Lets head for home"

The End


End file.
